25
June 22, 2010
day breaks
on
a new week’s
sun
putrid
as the stains
on my
flesh-soaked
mattress
damp
as my sour
mat
of fevered
greasy
tangle
hot
as my
whiskey-foul
breath
another
un-commuted
sentence
9-5
’til
merciful dusk
delivers me
jack-knifed
into
my
jack and dan
don’t obsess
in sorrow
drown
a bottom-dive
to comatose
no virtue
feigned
nor
implied
mad goes
the struggle
until
saved by
jazz
48 over the
hump
2
debauched
24’s
then
the hissing
sting
of monday
and
the mindless
120-grind
cruel numbers
game
goes
round round
and ever round
’til
the tombstone’s
tender
solace
this representative work of fiction was inspired by a One Single Impression prompt
• digital art above, entitled “bottom dive”, created by the author
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This is absolutely wonderful. When I saw your blue eyes above my added poem I knew I was in for something great. Just love your work. Thank you for the beautiful yet raw poem.
Melanie
you flatter melanie
WDS
“the hissing / sting / of monday” – I like that image/sound. I also like the structure of your poem, the line breaks and stanzas.
appreciated mr w
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Amazing…so very well done. I have been there and done that. Thankfully, I got over it. You captured that desperation well…
congrats mark
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Wow, a stunning piece, rife with emotion and angst.
gratitude tg
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this was quite a trip to read.
hold tight dp
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Wow, a powerful poem, masterfully rendered and so vivid, in its images and the emotions it evokes.
raw truth thomma
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A wonderfully written piece! I enjoyed reading it! Thanks for sharing!
-Weasel
a pleasure weasel
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beautiful. an echo of leaves of grass. luv.
to walt toi
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Like the way you’ve incorporated a number of prompts into this one.
from many one ski
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Soft jazz! Very nice.
hard truth tw
WDS
Powerful. Ultimate solace is tender by tombstone.
quite ultimate harshad
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well-painted vision.
like a hard-bitten ‘tec story just before something happens and things become “really” bad.
brutal brushstrokes b_y
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Exquisite fresh images!
you flatter linda
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amazing how a sleepless mattress conveys so many emotions, thoughts… always curious how a mattress can hold the weight of one being… though a good cold shower can erase the weight momentarily
to cold showers pie
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Oh for solace–but not the tombstone!
inevitable sandy
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oh wow.. amazing..!
thank u..!
you’re welcome leo
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Your use of words and images conveys such a clear, emotive picture…the flesh-stained mattress.. the sour mat of fevered greasy tangle…the whiskey fouled breath…and those numbers, as if they are playing some sick dice game with the speaker or making him march in their time. Reading this made me feel a little sick, hopeless, and vacant…and that means the poem did its job.
-Nicole
empty as a bottle nicole
WDS